20030801

I feel that I must take this time to warn the constituents that they must be united as Americans now. They must quiet themselves because there are too many things happening in conjunction, and perhaps by coincidence, that is producing a grave backlash.

Tread carefully. Or else, reckless wading will move to make this country enter the same era as the Prohibition.

We must wait longer.

We could not have done all that now, as we look toward the past at the choices that we made and how far we have come, that we could have done. Ex post facto. But only at that moment of true choice can we ask, without knowledge of what future may entails, whether we did what we could.

I know that patience is a virtue most people do not have, but we must as well recognize that incremental steps with some giant leap is a necessary movement toward greater reform and greater progress.

Whether or not the Supreme Court's ruling may constitute as that giant leap, when we must take notice that as the most powerful institution in the world, the five justices with one in concurring voted with far-reaching precepts that in the conglomeration of the greatest burst of themed television shows as well as coverage of our nearest neighbor's move toward a grand legislation may count in the mass medium as the most insidious form known to the world.

What, by the mass, was I trying to say?

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20030731

There is a ringing in my left ear.

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When sitting by the windowpane,
Do not dwell in the loss of things not done.
Play on, whether shine or rain,
Chance on, less regrets in the long, long run.

Sometimes many birds have many a saying,
And each long-lived turtle continues praying,
To their course they know, to laying.

What is there to mate, but dreams to pray
When they won't come true by chance?
You must work hard, through each and every day
And dreams succeed, there you may advance.

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20030728

Burn, baby, burn

Yay, I installed a CD Burner into my console, all by myself! Usually, my dad did things to the computer for me, but I decided to try to install the CD Burner myself and it couldn't have worked out better.

Unfortunately, the next morning (today) I tried to use the computer. It kept crashing repeatedly. Then I foolishly decided to burn a Knoppix ISO imagethat I had downloaded onto the CD, only to have it crashed in the middle of the burn session. So what happened was that my CD-RW was irrevocably turned into a coaster for cups and other beverage vessels. The reason was likely because I had to set the Finalize CD, which would fix the image, because there was not enough space.

Ah, well, this is just showing that my first venture into the wonderful world of CD burning has started inauspiciously. Whether this is a sign from a Heaven in which I do not believe, or from a certain God of whom I cannot confirm the existence that lives there, or not I do not know.

Let us move on to a more adventurous, and more aesthetically and emotionally pleasing speculation on what new future this CD burning capability would hold. I'll have to purchase a stack of CD-RW, CD-WORM, CD-[insert type-name here], and once having done so, what would I do with this freedom? Here is a list, from the most applaudable to the unapplaudable, to the most debased practices that I may or may not engage in:

1. Back up my CD, thus alleviating my worries of the fact that the computer crashes may signal the irrevocable destruction of my hard disk drives.
2. Store files--documents of reports, papers, essays, etc. as well as pictures I've created, anything artistic-- that have special meaning to my brain and heart. This includes videos and pictures from the digital camera or webcam that show something significant that I would like to show my families and friends in the future as yet to come.
3. Download distributions of Linux that I can try out before buying--which I'm told include tech services and cheap upgrades. I may want to try my hands at "coding" and "programming." I've had little experience of it [programming] (except in QBasic, a very, very old MS-DOS program that I've done little to understand except through copying from books I've borrowed), so I'm a little worried that I may do something that will damage my computers. I'm trying to take classes, but I'm not sure if Linux is taught in the area, I think I'll have to learn on my own. Still, I hear it is fun, and it takes a while to learn. I'll yet see if the child-brain of mine will be a fast learner as it was. So we'll see, I hope companies start catering to this market so that I will have software I can use, and more incentives to stay with Linux.
3. Store articles from online, files I've copied, anything that I wish to remember for further notice. They could potentially serve as topics and references for any academic papers I have to write or show to friends as a way to prove my intelligence, to show that I am right and they are wrong, that kind of things.
4. Store "unauthorized" copies of music and videos for which corporations (if they find out) may sue me because of copyright violation. I'm also aware of certain laws that Congress is attempting to pass that would authorize creation of software that will damage the PCs that download pirated music.
5. Store some scandalous (!) pictures of myself that I will laugh at, or muse about later. And I hope, with a b/f.
6. Store massive amount of porn that I may hide somwhere in my room . . . This represents a dark side of me that I am hoping to reintegrate into my better self for a less shameful and demeaning form of existence after I come out.

Any other suggestions for the CD's potentials can be sent to yours truly at janusrat@netscape.net.

Government the people reflects. The perfect set of laws can never be found without also discovering new ways to subvert, bypass, or loophole the laws. Government must change to reflect the new generation of people, who will always find old laws inadequate. Unfortunately, old people are still alive, and as long as they live, they present a continual struggle that while making adoption of reforms or good laws difficult, they still help to maintain order, and also to keep government from turning "tyrannous." Without the temperance of older generation, revolutions would occur that inevitably as we have seen in France, Russia, South America, Africa, Middle East, and Asia, produce dictatorships.

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20030727

On being human

It must be understood, never doubted, that I may for the rest of my life suffer from this affliction: Delayed Information-Acquisition Syndrome (DIAS). This means that I always am the last to know, or at least feel like I am always the last to know. I am perennially delayed in all things of the outside world.

I will admit that rejection is very ego-bruising, and I had my bloated sense of self ultimately broken, deflated, and torn apart. The only problem is that I hide this hurt and never let it out, never convey to any other human being this pain that I am forever excluded from a world of intelligence, academia, pomp.

I was born with broken ears; I am living bruised; and I will die a broken man. The depressing depressed state of existence to which I am confined is not far from the everlasting sense of complacency of life I had before. It's in different pits of hell, but still hell.

What opportunity have I lost in not entering one of the best institutions in the world? What have I forgone in not making every effort to extract what I must know to transfer, to try to meet the requirements, to find out those requirements, so that I might increase my chances and decrease my loss? To strangle it and get what I need?

I fear that each class I take will glaciate my hope and opportunity.

For I cannot take the classes that I want, that I need, that I should have learned a long time ago, so that I could have made a better choice about my future. Now I am trapped between these two choices, which offer nothing substantial of an advantage over the other.

IN the rejection, I was hurt in the deepest sense because I had not expected it. That coupled with the realization that I am damned to live in the so-called "Alternative Lifestyle," words which are starting to grate my ears now.

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