"From the darkness, sleeping light." Formerly luminus dormiens. Lux pacis, light of peace.

Quote: "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes


There is a ringing in my left ear.
When sitting by the windowpane,
Do not dwell in the loss of things not done.
Play on, whether shine or rain,
Chance on, less regrets in the long, long run.

Sometimes many birds have many a saying,
And each long-lived turtle continues praying,
To their course they know, to laying.

What is there to mate, but dreams to pray
When they won't come true by chance?
You must work hard, through each and every day
And dreams succeed, there you may advance.


Burn, baby, burn

Yay, I installed a CD Burner into my console, all by myself! Usually, my dad did things to the computer for me, but I decided to try to install the CD Burner myself and it couldn't have worked out better.

Unfortunately, the next morning (today) I tried to use the computer. It kept crashing repeatedly. Then I foolishly decided to burn a Knoppix ISO imagethat I had downloaded onto the CD, only to have it crashed in the middle of the burn session. So what happened was that my CD-RW was irrevocably turned into a coaster for cups and other beverage vessels. The reason was likely because I had to set the Finalize CD, which would fix the image, because there was not enough space.

Ah, well, this is just showing that my first venture into the wonderful world of CD burning has started inauspiciously. Whether this is a sign from a Heaven in which I do not believe, or from a certain God of whom I cannot confirm the existence that lives there, or not I do not know.

Let us move on to a more adventurous, and more aesthetically and emotionally pleasing speculation on what new future this CD burning capability would hold. I'll have to purchase a stack of CD-RW, CD-WORM, CD-[insert type-name here], and once having done so, what would I do with this freedom? Here is a list, from the most applaudable to the unapplaudable, to the most debased practices that I may or may not engage in:

1. Back up my CD, thus alleviating my worries of the fact that the computer crashes may signal the irrevocable destruction of my hard disk drives.
2. Store files--documents of reports, papers, essays, etc. as well as pictures I've created, anything artistic-- that have special meaning to my brain and heart. This includes videos and pictures from the digital camera or webcam that show something significant that I would like to show my families and friends in the future as yet to come.
3. Download distributions of Linux that I can try out before buying--which I'm told include tech services and cheap upgrades. I may want to try my hands at "coding" and "programming." I've had little experience of it [programming] (except in QBasic, a very, very old MS-DOS program that I've done little to understand except through copying from books I've borrowed), so I'm a little worried that I may do something that will damage my computers. I'm trying to take classes, but I'm not sure if Linux is taught in the area, I think I'll have to learn on my own. Still, I hear it is fun, and it takes a while to learn. I'll yet see if the child-brain of mine will be a fast learner as it was. So we'll see, I hope companies start catering to this market so that I will have software I can use, and more incentives to stay with Linux.
3. Store articles from online, files I've copied, anything that I wish to remember for further notice. They could potentially serve as topics and references for any academic papers I have to write or show to friends as a way to prove my intelligence, to show that I am right and they are wrong, that kind of things.
4. Store "unauthorized" copies of music and videos for which corporations (if they find out) may sue me because of copyright violation. I'm also aware of certain laws that Congress is attempting to pass that would authorize creation of software that will damage the PCs that download pirated music.
5. Store some scandalous (!) pictures of myself that I will laugh at, or muse about later. And I hope, with a b/f.
6. Store massive amount of porn that I may hide somwhere in my room . . . This represents a dark side of me that I am hoping to reintegrate into my better self for a less shameful and demeaning form of existence after I come out.

Any other suggestions for the CD's potentials can be sent to yours truly at janusrat@netscape.net.

Government the people reflects. The perfect set of laws can never be found without also discovering new ways to subvert, bypass, or loophole the laws. Government must change to reflect the new generation of people, who will always find old laws inadequate. Unfortunately, old people are still alive, and as long as they live, they present a continual struggle that while making adoption of reforms or good laws difficult, they still help to maintain order, and also to keep government from turning "tyrannous." Without the temperance of older generation, revolutions would occur that inevitably as we have seen in France, Russia, South America, Africa, Middle East, and Asia, produce dictatorships.


On being human

It must be understood, never doubted, that I may for the rest of my life suffer from this affliction: Delayed Information-Acquisition Syndrome (DIAS). This means that I always am the last to know, or at least feel like I am always the last to know. I am perennially delayed in all things of the outside world.

I will admit that rejection is very ego-bruising, and I had my bloated sense of self ultimately broken, deflated, and torn apart. The only problem is that I hide this hurt and never let it out, never convey to any other human being this pain that I am forever excluded from a world of intelligence, academia, pomp.

I was born with broken ears; I am living bruised; and I will die a broken man. The depressing depressed state of existence to which I am confined is not far from the everlasting sense of complacency of life I had before. It's in different pits of hell, but still hell.

What opportunity have I lost in not entering one of the best institutions in the world? What have I forgone in not making every effort to extract what I must know to transfer, to try to meet the requirements, to find out those requirements, so that I might increase my chances and decrease my loss? To strangle it and get what I need?

I fear that each class I take will glaciate my hope and opportunity.

For I cannot take the classes that I want, that I need, that I should have learned a long time ago, so that I could have made a better choice about my future. Now I am trapped between these two choices, which offer nothing substantial of an advantage over the other.

IN the rejection, I was hurt in the deepest sense because I had not expected it. That coupled with the realization that I am damned to live in the so-called "Alternative Lifestyle," words which are starting to grate my ears now.


Faced with the difficulty of the transfer process, I am at once considering giving up in despair. Sometimes I wonder whether I have the gall to give up the fight because I am essentially trapped between the malfunctioning of my ears and the lack of focus that has trammeled up my determination.

The process through which I must engage requires that I absolve myself from classes that I enjoy, classes that I need, classes on things that I should have learned so long ago but didn't. Just because I am now required to play catch-up, perhaps for the rest of my life because of the delayed knowledge-acquirement syndrome that all DCoHA must experience does not mean that I must suffer the choices my parents have made and instilled in me, that I . . .
When you have reached the place in Haverness, find the little red dog dressed in a brown coat. Catch him before he vanishes into thin air. You must be prepared, for the disappearance is permanent. Then only another fresh young virgin can make the attempt again. You, as a fresh young virgin, will be capable of seeing the dog, but since the dog has dark power, its influence will make you turn to evil, turn to darkness. Having done so, it will soon disappear because you are too full of sin.

Innocent you are now, you must capture that special dog. He must be killed because he is Evil incarnate. Though he may vanish, you can still feel him, if you are successful in its capture. If not, then I must another virgin find, and continue my long Crusade toward destroying that counterfeit.

As long as that dog live, he will roam the Earth and spread great evil that cannot be removed. To stay free from sin, he must be killed, and all of you be purified. His gift for discord is very great, therefore, you must be wary of what anger may arise, for it is stronger than it truly is, amplified by the dog's own hatred of the All-Enlightened God.

Though God is mighty enough to create the world in all its splendor and complexity in six days, He still must find rest on the seventh day for all His creation has enervated Him. He could not, for example, prevent the evil from entering the world. The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil stands as tribute to that lack of power.

As such, God is incapable of seeing past the cloak under which the dog tarries through his day. All God's power is spent in the maintenance of the world. You must remember that God's power, though great, is finite. And a large portion of that is spent on creating the vast universe in which we live.

And so, as a virgin, you have a chance to restore what is right to this world. Go to it, young one, before the dog's evilness brings you to the state of despair.


The necessary element to not the creation but the maintainance of a free State is compromise and enlightened discussion. We must recognize that in a world composed of "us" against "them" that "they" who oppose us or our ideas, may have a legitimate reason to do so. It is not that to recognize one as bigot or the other as hippie would ultimate result in recognizing the mutual incompatibility of conglomeration of ideas, reasons, actions, and creeds.

We are not computers, we are not those that accept only Microsoft-compatible, or Macintosh-compatible, or even Linux-compatible. We are not someone who need a port in order to bring into a platform programs that might not be acceptible to it.

We are human beings, full of reasoning and agreement, and we must agree.
Let this be heretofore known and list as facts of understanding in rules of government and governance, relationships between individuals of the same state, of different state, and of different civilization, and understanding of the natural unenlightenment of men and women in the world:

We recognize that our greatest desire in a government is that it will do good and suppress evil, that it helps keep the country united, that it will take care of us that are law-abiding and punish those who abide them none.

However, the natural state is disorder, and order in chaos must from disorder arise. It is natural too, that a government capable of doing good, must be equally capable of doing something opposite, and that is bad. We recognize that a system of government that allows benevolence to show must by nature admits malevolence.

As such, individuals such as James Madison, who framed the Constitution of the United States in such intricate layers as never been done before, tried to conceive of a government not that the government would filter out the vices and let in the enlightened to protect the people, but to make the government as limited as possible, so that they may not trample upon the rights of the people.


Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet bird sang

I typed a post, but it was deleted for unknown reason, the second part to the two-parter on the treatise of government.

Ah, well. It was about how the government needs to change, expand and collapse based on the people's needs. Now the government needs to grow smaller in some ways, at the very moment when many baby boomers are going to start collecting security. If not, we are going to be in deep trouble of debt. Our government is better than most other government, but it still must update with the time. There is no perfect system of laws that nobody can break. There will always be loopholes, and current laws will always be insufficient for the future, as unknown are revealed to us.


The Devil's Advocate


My Resolutions
1. Learn Linux.
2. Learn Latin.
3. Learn PSP
4. Learn Biochemistry.

Part 1 of 2: On Government's Worst Enemies
Not UFOs, nor terrorisms, but the people, non-representative factions and fear

I think that the public simply is not ready for democracy to be thrusted into their hands. Although the ideals of democracy is that the voice of the people would be enlightened and would vote for the best future in their interests, the opposite has been the case unfortunately.

We cannot accept the Jeffersonian argument any longer that all men are created equal, but we can and must accept that all men and women deserve to be treated equally, while meet each of them on his or her own special case rather than attempting to adopt a one-size-fits-all policy that will stir and provoke unrest in the populace.

We have always demonstrated the idiocy of the mass, in a mobster mentality, than the intelligence of one person as a whole. Therefore, we cannot depend on ourselves but on elected officials and their councils independent from our votes and consequently the lobbying of mischievious factions that do not represent the true voice of America, nor the best providers of a prosperous, happy future.

Because of the already liberal atmosphere that have taken hold in mainstreamed America. I believe it is time for a more liberal Left. A Left that is more Left than the current Left that dominates the likes of UC Berkeley, New York University, and other fomenting grounds for new ideas. That is the idea that new policies of the future must incorporate all the knowledge that we have gained in the past 30 years, as opposed to completely ignoring the process that the Left has made, as the Conservative Rights have done. What is proposed is the idea that we must leave the decision-making to those who have our best interests at heart. It is the relentless hope, which despite the cynicism still survive, that the people can have an enlightened leader that can continually, for his or her time in office, bring the country to a higher prosperity, renewed wealth and increased cultural, technological, and social innovations.

Sometimes the idea that we can solve problems of democracy with more democracy seems appealing. Why can we not say that if all the people voted, rather than some people, and they voted on each law that passes, then special interest cannot control the Congress? The problem is and has always been that the winner-takes-all measure does not win because the losers may have some legitimate concern over any laws that they protest. The best democracy is a republic in which compromise happens in a slow method that satisfies everyone without each of them feeling cheated.

That is not to say that getting into this democractic mess was not a good thing. We Americans are famous for the application of abstract theories that Europe could only ponder. The unfortunate difficult thing is that we may have dug ourselves a hole out of which we cannot escape. It may be slow and a quagmire to bring the system back to normal. However, on the lesson we learn, we can teach history a lesson in how not to manage a government.


The Unknown

This is the Rumsfelian poetry.

"The Unknown"
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
--Feb.12.2003 Defense News Briefing
--Excerpt taken from http://slate.msn.com/id/2081042 based on actual transcript
But why, Mom? Why?

Naught's had, all's spent
What is got without content
'Tis safer to be that which we destroy.
That by destruction dwell in doubtful joy.
--Lady Macbeth in Macbeth

nearest translation:

We did everything we could to achieve and maintain this goal.
And yet, all that we have gotten, we are not enjoying it.
Oh, we're so worrying for our safety and our life, that it would be better that we were the ones we destroyed, Banquo and Duncan, than to suffer in this manner that we might be the circus laughinstock of the people, and all our joy is just not realistic, not safe. Order's disordered.
On the Passion

I am sufficiently amazed at the ability of one--in particular, a post-pubescent male--to be able to engage in self-reasoning to overcome, divert, or at least delay his passion, his desire to seek sexual orgasm at moments when his body urges him to do without thinking, to fantasize, to achieve a . . . a quick goal. Granted, it may not even be that great. There's not even anything you could say is emotional about it.

So, in particular, without the female ideology to temper a man, if indeed he can be tempered, he will be prone to active sex. We have heard of extramarital affairs that husbands have even though they are, indeed, satisfied with his wife and his relationship. There is no thinking, no reasoning. He does not form an emotional bond.


Little news for the past few days.


I know I am staying on the computer too long when I realize that I don't know where I want to go on the Internet. It means either that I have nothing to do or that I don't know how to browse leisurely.

If it is the former, then I need to go out and take a walk.

If it is the latter, then I need to go out and take a walk.
[Fiery speech below:

Why does one commit suicide, and in the process, kill others? We could confine this anomaly solely to the face of a young Middle-Eastern man, but the many spate of horrors unleashed upon us in recent time usually have a kinder face: that of a woman, or of a child. That aggressive commission to end other innocent lives by ending his or her own life must be examined not because of a now-not-so-recent event--though it must not be forgotten--that has happened to change the security of the free world, but because its development that began with the establishment of Israel must concern us.

We cannot regard the Middle East as containing nations of savages. Nor can we say that they are so hell-bent on their hatred of us that no amount of attempted reconciliation, negotiation, diplomacy can set them away from their pathway of abominable self-sacrifice that the Islam religion itself condemn.

End fiery speech]

I might as well transfer away from college. I know I bring it up again and again, but I just had an almost terrifying vision. It was me, staying at my parents' home, and I am 24 years old. I could have been 40 years old, but 24 is a number at which many people seem to bristle. Getting away from home could provide me a splendid opportunity of making friends with people, learning how to share rooms, and possibly learning how to ask people if I can live with them for a while. That kind of things.


Uh, Thought Crimes Must be Punished is disgruntled by the fact that a white student who was simply posting a flier advertising a speech to be made by a black speaker was persecuted for racist remark because that flier stated how the "government puts blacks in circumstances similar to slavery."

I'm probably conservative and Republican in some ways, but not as long as that Bush still occupies the White House. So until then, it's Democrat all the way. I pray, pray for the Democrat success. If only they could campaign better and not seem so . . . so portrayed as anti-American or anti-Right.

Democracy is a bad, bad thing. It creates a polarized political system (partisanship) that divides and feeds off of itself.

The earth to the sky, itself finite, is forever. Let me see if I can make a fiery speech. Next post, please.
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought,
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:

I realize that many other blogs are also discussing the fourth of July, but bear with me. We planned to go to Jack London Square, but then Uncle J said that he was planning to go to somewhere near Lake Tahoe or Lake Chabot (shuh-BOH) to play with fireworks. After we had an Independence Day Dinner, we decided not to play with firework but to watch them from afar, that is Cal-State Hayward. We had a view of the Bay Area and could see the tiny fireworks amidst the lights of the city and the stars (it was a cloudless night). In other words, it almost sucks. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't as good as the idea of going to Jack London Square and being able to see the fireworks right up close, the sparks filling up the sky, and the sounds exploding in your face. And the music that accompanies it provides an enjoyment that distance viewing lacks dismally.


He Who the Sword of Heaven Bear, Should Be as Holy as Severe

Part 3 of 3

Disneyland, Universal Studios, Hollywood, CSUN, Chinese food, Del Taco, Hulk Premiere, Charlie's Angels, LA Parking Ticket ($35), Walking with Cavemen

I sat. The bed knew not to creak. I nimbly touched the tips of his right index finger. I saw him peeked out of the corner of his eyes. I then merged with his hands, our fingers crisscrossing and then closed like good-behaving school children.

Then I moved closer and put his hands on my head to feel him ruffling through my hair. I released my hands and continued contact. I slided down along his arms, ensuring that they never leave the skin on which they touch. Along the way, soft tuffles of brown hair are felt. They stood on end. I knew that there was some ticklish instincts that he was feeling. I reached his shoulders. I then moved closer, so that I may touch his spine. Starting with his brown hair, I slid to count. 1, 2, 3 . . . but I gave up, moving back up the spine and to his arms.

I gently pushed them down with my hands as I moved closer to his oh-so-warm body. With encouraging breath, I let him move down my back. I placed my lips on his, taking in the bottom first and then the top, feeling his contentful humming. With my tongue, I pushed his lips open and promptly he stopped. As if in gentle defense, his tongue lashed out at mine, preparing to wrestle.

Soon, he took on a new initiative, and proceeded to undo me. I hesitated. He sensed, but continued his goals. How can I be feminine when my basest needs are flaring up? How can I resist, telling him to cease and desist? No, once it starts, nothing can ever stop the consummation, except three things: disease, disgust, and disagreement.

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