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- Why Try
- Job Hunt Larry
- My Voice
- Diana's Place
- Arcadian Expressions
Lurking in . . .
"From the darkness, sleeping light." Formerly luminus dormiens. Lux pacis, light of peace.
Quote: "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes
Google Search: port forward firewall windows 98
I'm trying to figure out how to do a port forwarding, but I'm unable to find any information. It's for using the BitTorrent to download Fedora.
To the federal supreme court
It is necessary for you to review your ruling and allow the decisions on abortion to be left to the states. I am pro-choice, and against any enactment of law that limits the rights of women to have an abortion, but that does not mean that I would try to enforce my beliefs on others who think that abortion is wrong. Therefore, leave the decisions to the states.
Granted, that might mean that some states will forbid murder of unborn children completely, while other states are much more for the freedom of women. That's okay. Such division of opinions is a natural part of democracy. What is not natural, however, is the attempt to pass a ruling that encompasses the entire U.S. The problem is that the people who have grown up so long believing in limiting the power of a central government are not going to give up such ideals. The problem is that the ability to pass a ruling across the U.S. also has the devastating possibility of reversing such ruling. A ban on abortion has not been written in the constitution of the U.S., and well should it not that we should have such a trivial matter on a document that has defined the entire nation.
review of deaf performance
This had none, or at least I didn't hear or feel the music.
I won't give a rating because I don't have any knowledge of performance by Deaf actors. Maybe that's the way it was supposed to be, but in my opinion, it was not good.
It suffices to say that there was simply too much talking, and ill-timed delays. During the entire performance, I simply could not stand sitting at these characters doing nothing but talk [or in this case, signing] on and on and on. There should be emotions shown in actions, not explained in words. I should see what is going on, not be told what I should see. It was didactic, philosophy-discussion in the meanest way where I was just looking for an entertainment of ASL.
The ill-timed delays. I'll have to explain by starting with this: Every good performance relies not just on the great use of words, but also on the usage of silence that can speak louder than words.
Believe it or not, despite not hearing a sound out of the mouth of these actors, their hands were simply noisy and bothersome to me.
When a character is saddened, he or she should be silent for a period, to let us, the audience, absorb the mood. Every action should show the sadness, not just the face expressing the emotion or the hands explaining it, but the entire body language. Instead, what I got was just endless talking. Sure, there were delays of a second, but immediately that was interrupted by more talking. Every single scene just feature talking at the same speed. It's like a banter, or a fencing game of some kind, but no wits behind it. It's just a character finishing a sentence, and having another sentence immediately follow it. There's no sense that you get that a character is thinking before responding, just a bunch of actors and actresses throwing out hand signs by rote. Emotion was shown on the face, and sometimes in body language, but it was all too short and fast, not enough for us to get used to it.
There was basically no rhythm. I guess Deaf people aren't like to have rhythms because they don't listen to music, but they can feel them. Maybe it's just that the lack of music, for me, just didn't make the performance enjoyable. Even though I am hard of hearing, I still like to listen to music because it provides structure to any performance you see. It provides the rhythm to the dance, the skip that a character takes when walking a street, for example.
I'm glad I could understand most of what was going on, but I felt myself going into a daydream often, to the time when I participated in the San Leandro musicals, and to thinking about how I could improve it or sign in a manner more forceful and emotion than what I saw on the stage. I daydreamed that I could sign better, with more cadences and musical gracefulness than what I saw.
"Where have I gone? What have I done?"
"What did you do? What did you do that got the town in a roar?"
"What has gotten the town in a pandemonium? What started it?"
"What is there? That has been in my family heirloom for thirty years, and you would take it now?"
"That was my family's lifeline. I want it back."
"That is my family's lifeline. Give it to me."
"I believe she will return. I have believed that she would return. I believed that she would return. I believed that she had returned. I believed that she came back."
"I will wait. I'm going to wait. I will wait right here. I refuse to move."
"I refused to move, but I budged an inch. I had budged an inch when she began molesting me. I have budged an inch because you are now molesting me in a non-sexual way."
one way i enjoy what life has to offer me
So when I saw falling snow, I acted as some do in the movie, let a flake falls on my tongue. Let the snowflakes fall on my head, my face, my neck; let each flake nips my skin cool, drawing the heat away from my body. When the wind blows on my face, almost, but not quite, raw, I close my eyes and dream of romantic things. What nice feelings would it be that I were embraced, sneaked up from behind and cuddled.
It is true, I dream of many things.
ways i prolong the environment, #5
on the trip: seeing the movie
I believe the torture to that extent really did happen, unlike what other people have said. They may think that not mentioning the torture in the Bible means that Jesus wasn't whipped, beaten, or treated so bloodily. Such torture did happen because human nature is such that we are voracious for blood and gore. Indeed, it is part of what makes us so human. We should not try to be so high and beneficient, that as Mozart said and I paraphrased here, "It sounds as if we shit marble."
People who think that the torture of Christ portrayed to such extent signifies Gibson's, and the modern repressed straight man, obsession with domination and submission would be right to a certain extent. However, I think that much of humanity can claim a certain affiliation with such domination and submission, if they so choose to view such dichotomy.
So everything the critics said about the movie, both good and bad, is right. It is a little obsessed with what Jesus has suffered. It doesn't tell us why Jesus was suffering, because there's little development to explain how Jesus was so controversial. It does portray the Jews as a hateful group for killing our Lord.
In retrospect, it does seem as if Gibson was obsessed with the idea of salvation and the idea of how much Jesus has suffered for us. But it's equally valid that we're not quite sure what the movie is trying to say exactly. It's that reason that I don't consider it a good movie even though I was emotionally moved to it. It would not be considered a great work of art, meaning that we can interpret it in variety of ways, but it'll stand as the icon of Christian literature.
It's not easy for me to make fun of this movie because I actually felt guilt. I actually nearly cried because of such suffering. But at the end, I wondered what it was for. At the end, I saw Jesus eventually rising from the dead, but it seems to have broken the spell. I saw his body mended, though his hands continued to bear the marks of the crucifixion, but I didn't feel it fits.
It seems to lack dialogue, maybe it is trying to say more than its sum. Sometimes, I always complain that characters talk too much, explain too much. Here, I think it explains slightly too little. All I'm getting is minute dialogues that if I didn't know the background, I would have regarded Jesus as simply a person, the Son of God, who suffers far too much the injustices of humankind, the sins of humankind, and the evilness of the Devil.
Knowing the story enhanced the pain and guilt that I felt during the two long hours of the burden and the passion of Christ. Here is Someone who did not want to bear the sins of the people God has ordained Him to do, but he willingly accepts his duty and does so with such passion that he falls in all directions in his progress toward the cross.
My M, though a Buddhist, has watched many Judaism and Christian movies, and she made a point that while in other Christ-centered movie, the suffering of Christ was confined to the last ten or fifteen minutes of the movie, this movie was unique in making the suffering last the entire movie. From the beginning, when He had to deal with Satan and the snake, to the end, when He commended His Spirit to His Father's Hands.
Yet, the final question remains as some critics have charged and a cardinal to the Pope (I don't remember where the link is), "whatever was it for?" It didn't seem to tell why He suffered, just that He did for the sins of humankind. But what are the sins? Where is that that makes people exclaim, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life"?
trip on spring break, preliminary
A summary of what I've done, or been requested of to do:
go to Cambria.
go to Harmony, population 17.
go to San Luis Obispo.
go to Lake Tahoe, playing games, bowling, and seeing a movie.
go to Coloma.
a trip to lake tahoe
Alfonso Cuaron meets Harry Potter: Prisoner of Azkaban (old news, obviously)
The Prisoner of Azkaban.
I love Alfonso, and so far this trailer reminds me very much of Tim Burton, which is wonderful. Also, does anyone else think Tom Felton (Draco) is turning into a Aaron Carter doppelganger?"
Alfonso Cuaron? I've heard of him . . . Didn't he direct "Y Tu Mamá También [my review]"? And he's directing this Harry Potter movie! That's the greatest thing I've ever heard. We really need more complexity into the genre, not the sweet sickly of the previous Harry Potter movies.
I can't wait for 2004 June 4th!
back from a trip to monterey and san luis obispo
What a relaxing place. It would be so nice to live by the beach, where you can go for a time of relaxation and so forth.
Here's an excerpt of the conversation that piqued my interest (I am I, M is the other person):
I: Look, there's the cemetery so close to Cambria [a town in San Luis Obispo Country].
M: Oh yeah.
I: No wonder it's so peaceful.
It's a weak recollection of a pitiful black humor. It's not meant to make you laugh, but give you a sense of who I am now.
Ways I Prolong the Environment, #4
Ways I Prolong the Environment, #3
I also try to let my car coast by keeping my feet off the gas pedal. How do I do that? When, such as on the freeway having at least a three-second distance from the other car, I see the other car press the gas pedal, or that there's a whole bunch of cars ahead of me, I coast, let my car slow down naturally by fysic's phriction. (gotta love alliteration and transposition of letters)
Of course, if it happens that the car ahead of me is going to stop, the coasting isn't practical because you must brake to avoid a bender.
Ways I Prolong the Environment, #2
If, however, a recycling bin is not available, then I either save the bottles in my backpack, so that I can recycle them when I do come upon a recycling bin.
I have rarely found myself complicit in the act of throwing a perfectly recycleable can or bottle into the trash. The last time I remember doing that was in London. I couldn't find any trash can! It's ridiculous. Here in the Bay Area, trash cans are EVERYWHERE. Over at London, I could walk for ten blocks and never find a single tras can!
It was very easy to find janitors on the street though, probably paid for by the government. Great Britain is a different place, huh?
fdisk /mbr cannot save grub
To get grub back, you must use "info grub" and follow the instruction on installing grub.
I won't explain how I did it, but basically what I did was Create a Grub Boot Disk (because after spending half an hour reading the manual, I decided it was the safest and easiest way). The instruction will explain how to create a grub disk. BUT you will need to be in Linux to create GRUB, using an XTerm or a terminal program of some kind.
Follow the instruction further, and there will be an explanation of how to use the GRUB Boot Disk, which will boot GRUB, and "root" "find" "setup" etc. in order to modify that master boot partition so that it will load grub.
There was also an explanation of needing stage1 and stage5 files (my memory isn't very clear on this) for making the GRUB boot disk, which can be found in /boot/grub/.
It's sometimes best to go to "info grub" than to go to google, because as they told me several times, RTFM. Read The [insert expanded expletive here] Manual.
Unable to initialize initiate windows socket (a solution)
The solution to this problem is here.
FYI, use initialize, not initiate. That will get you in touch with Microsoft solution too.
Ways I prolong the environment (#1)
Turn on shower.
Shampoo and rinse my hair.
Turn off shower.
Suds my body up. (ooh, chilly) <==[uncharacteristic exclamation]
Turn on shower.
Let the water rinse all the soap and conditioner away.
Turn off water; regret that it couldn't last longer.
Shake yourself up; get towel.
Dry yourself, getting out one by one.
Enjoy the combination of evaporative cooling and convective warmth.
Water is so precious, not only to me, but to all other life on the planet. It is needed for trees to photosynthesize, how else can they get the electrons to replace the one lost in the light reaction? How else can we get the oxygen evolved from the plant?
I cannot bear to see how much all the water is being wasted, but I usually let it pass. I avoid seeing anyone waste water, because I'm not interested in imposing my belief on others. I mean, I can tell them what I do; I can tell them my philosophy; I can let them know that they can save water, but I won't yell at them. I live by my own examples, taking what exceptions I will.
By exceptions, I mean that if I were sick, I would let the water run in the shower so that I can be comforted where I have a headache or feel dis-ease. If I'm fully healthy, then I live Spartan-like, taking only what I need to maintain my sanity.
geez, i must learn to protect other's privacy
Signs of Life
That transcend their objectivity
To reveal our humanity"
I want to tell you about the ASL performance of the Beauty and the Beast. It should be cool to see something in American Sign Language. It costs $12 a person and I'm going at 7 p.m. It's at the CSDF and is voice-interpreted, so that's good enough for my parents.
Shall I alone be, where I have a choice to make?
Shall I fallow be, where I have no choice at all?
Shall I in duty send me to this place?
I feel such great need to praise the Lord for me
I feel such great pleasure saying that I lucky be.
For not one other in the same circumstance as me.
Has made a choice as I did, far as I can see.
It's something new, that I saw once before
But now the past two years are done
Where shall I go but toward that I passed before
And resolve myself to getting done
A crossroad is here again, though more experience made
Still lost amidst the maze, I did before.
Where to? Underneath the tree, where lies the shade
Still lost amidst the maze, I did before.
Where was the song, that I had hoped to sing?
That could summarize what I feel, of everything?
I cry beneath, not ready to go below.
But I failed to realize that I'm already there.
"My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go."
But I failed to realize that I'm already there.
The place that had the things I most fear.
What shall I see, where shall I go?
All the years of my life, shall stay behind.
Woe to catch-up, never quite in reach of the goal.
Oh, Domine! Voca me! Be not cruel, but be kind!
Woe to not knowing, woe that ties me to the shoal
In shallow water, I stay behind.
Literally, I am deaf to what I cannot see.
Literally, I am the deaf among the blind.
Literally, I am deaf to what I cannot see.
There my friends, of me so supporting.
Shall I leave them all behind?
There are my friends, of each reporting.
Shall I stay, leave future behind?
But I would--cross the same road again.
So I dwell, between two places,
Both potential hell.
I can meet some old, some new faces.
But time passes, and rings the bell.
How can I choose--I'm lost again.
Sedna Beyond Pluto
"Sedna" may sound like an artificial sweetener or a nay-saying insurance company, but it is the name of an Inuit woman who was throw from a kayak by her fearful father. Her fingers became seals, and she became the spirit of the sea and all its creatures — the most powerful being in Inuit mythology.
It'll be awesome to know what Sedna looks like. Is it a planet? Or isn't it!?
I have Windows 98, and it is old.
On this day, an attack . . .
This is a terrible attack. I just learned from Kron4.com TV news that someone noted the attack on Spain in March 11 occurred 911 days after September 11.
If you count the days, excluding 2001 Sept. 11, from 2001 to 2004 and add it up:
730+18+31+30+31+31+29+11 = 911. The call for help from the police = Attack on the World Trade Center = Ataque en Madrid.
Updates on Spain Attacks
The Command Post - Global War On Terror
The Command Post - Global Recon
MSNBC - Amazon trees don't grow like they used to
"The scientists suspect the rising carbon dioxide levels are fertilizing the rainforests and increasing competition for light, water and nutrients in the soil. So the big fast-growing trees have an advantage and are outpacing the smaller ones."
The butterfly effect. More CO2 might be good for the plants, but it still affects the environment in strange new ways. We are effectively left defenseless.
Yet, what can we do? Ford turns to Toyota for hybrid car help. It is a sign of progress? Just a step-by-step progression toward resolving our place on this earth?
International Year of Rice 2004
In remote villages of southeast Asia, farmers still compare a grain of rice to a "grain of gold".
Indeed. Rice is so important. I eat it every day.
evidence of madness
Signs of a madman
I wanted a chance to think before I send an email back, and unfortunately my schoolwork then took me far from being able to check my emails again.
I'm going to turn 20 in May, and I'm not looking forward to it at all, because I haven't done all or most or some of the things I'm supposed to be doing before the earth finishes another orbit of the sun. *bawl*
Anyway, I really do like neon, especially for catching the eye. It's a good thing that people stare at you on the street for wearing a bright glittering and absolutely ORANGE neon shirt along with a pair of bright glittering and absolutely GREEN neon pants. But that's just my fantasy, not that I would ever do that in real life. I would once in a while wear the orange shirt I have. I'm still looking for that perfect green shirt/pants though. I'll keep you updated if I ever find one.
Yes, you are right that I'm having to wear that ridiculous neck-support pillow, but I'm trying to wean myself away from it. And no, I am not allowed to use that microphone I had at SLHS because the microphone technically belongs to SLHS. SLHS bought that microphone with its own precious money (I think, but I always thought the state gov't does that sort of thing). So I had to leave that device behind. Oh, another thing, I have another microphone from before I transferred to public school, y'know? It's the big clunky one that the teacher has to snap onto the belt and attach to the cloth rather than just wear it over the head. My mom bought it for thousands of dollars. Now, I CAN use it (emphasis added), but I don't want to because it's old, clunky, and ugly. Not only that, I look really uncool.
And now, I'm wearing pretty much a similar device, but with that fancy electromagnetic wave technology. Isn't it cool!? <==[This was sarcasm] >;-P
I can't say whether having gentlemen callers is normal at any age. What's normal anyway? Tell her she'd be a good Southern belle!
If I get a credit card, I think I'll never use it. The fear of getting "bad credit" and being prevented from making large purchases, such as a house or a car, will probably drive me to stash that card somewhere safe where I'll never find it again. We'll see. People can change very quickly, can't they?
I'm going to sleep all spring break. Either that or play video games on my Playstation 2. But I really want to go to sleep and not feel so tired in the evening. I think I can feel that eyebag (is that what you call it?) weighing abnormally heavy on my face.
I feel so old.
tipping for a haircut?
I was just trying to conform to a norm, but now my mom said that almost nobody tip the hairdresser. Well, what did I just do by giving a tip of two dollars just for a haircut. My mom said that she tipped only one dollar for both of us, a perm for her and a haircut for me. Thirty-dollar value for one-dollar tip.
Call it an act of kindness.
Is it really? I didn't feel right about tipping so much, because I am really inexperienced at it. What circumstances merit tipping; what don't?
From this lesson, I won't do it again. But if I don't, would it send a message to the hairdresser that she is not doing her job right? Sometimes I wish I could take that money back, so that I didn't have to make that mistake again.
Is it a mistake to be so generous?
It is a mistake if I've irrevocably changed the other person's perception of me to such an extent that any future relationship between this person and me or the other person is worsen. This is just a relationship of owner and buyer, and I should not have done anything to change that. I certainly hope the consequence won't be terrible.
I know what I just did. I'm truly embarrased and angry at myself now. The Art of Tipping teaches that you don't usually tip the owner of the salon, but usually 15% for any hair styling.
I must have hurt that hairdresser that didn't cut my hair, because she usually cut my hair. It was only last time and this time that the owner cuts my hair, so I tipped doubly big. I screwed up big time. I screwed up multi-big time. Now, the next time I go there, I'm sure that hairdresser is frothing at her teeth that I didn't tip her as much as I did the owner.
Oh man, I'm usually guilty that I didn't tip enough, but now I'm feeling guilty that I tipped too much and overstepped my boundary by overstepping the norms.
All this over a two-dollar tipping to an owner of the salon for a simple eleven-dollar haircut.
I'm not going to do that [overtipping my hairdresser] again. That doesn't mean I won't make the same mistake regarding other matters. I only want to go back and have another haircut and not tip at all, so that the dollar I overspent might be balanced out by the dollar I underspent.
The only problem is that if the next time I go for a haircut, it is actually the hairdresser who cuts my hair, I certainly can't tip less than the amount I tipped to the owner.
I really appreciate everybody's opinion on this.
Charles Lewis: Who Mugged Howard Dean in Iowa?
"As Mark Twain once put it, 'A truth is not hard to kill and a lie told well is immortal.' In the 21st century in the United States of America, it is still astonishingly easy to assassinate a political opponent's character, with little or no accountability or basis in fact."
Politics is certainly disillusioning me. I wonder if the young Americans are getting angrier, because I am. It should be so American so simply want to bring about a force of goodness to the world, but I'm seeing otherwise because of such a difference in perception and upbringing.
I certainly can understand what losing feels like. I'm guessing it's like having your favorite sports team lose the championship. The pain is such that you get into a depressive state. Politics is all about winning and losing. Because it's like that, I'm wondering whether I should resign myself from politics, and just live life according to my beliefs.
So that would mean that I would prefer that the government keep its laws away from me, so that I can live in liberty. But governing is that ability to impose your own belief on others, so if I want to stop others from doing things that I believe is wrong, I must be the balance, I must be the opposition. I must swing because neither parties are perfect and neither parties should have complete control of the government.
It is a tiring job, tiring to cast a vote, tiring to put my voice out to say, Qui non tacet, non consentit. (Who is not silence, does not consent.) Sum in silentium altum. (I am in deep silence.)
While The Observer sensationalized the story with its erroneous claim that the report was "secret" and "suppressed by U.S. defense chiefs" when in fact it had already been publicly discussed, the document is worthy of even the British press' flair for melodrama. After all, intimations of fast-approaching environmental catastrophe sound a lot different coming from the Pentagon than from the Ph.D.s who have been uttering these warnings for decades.
America's new coal rush
"I certainly wasn't aware it was 62 gigawatts. That's an awful lot more coal to burn," says Dan Becker, director of global warming and energy program at the Sierra Club. "I think most Americans would be shocked that utilities are dragging the 19th century into the 21st century."
Kudos to Greenspan. He suggested raising the retirement age and limiting social security benefits to keep the incoming wave of baby boomers from breaking the bank.
1. My retirement is forty to fifty years away. So social security isn't that important to me now. While I am fine with having my tax money be used to support old Grandmas and Grandpas on drugs, to see all these entering baby boomers who never saved, who spent all their money on superficial vanity, really has me riled up.
2. I don't want my tax money to be given to the government to give to stupid people. Yes, I'm that selfish.
These views would apparently put me on the opposite ends of the spectra of the Democrats and the Republicans? So where am I? The social outcast?
I would say that I'm in the 18-24 age bracket, the minority of those who actually vote.
I think it is time for politically unpopular actions, for long-term gain. The Republicans better admit that the tax cuts is causing a massive deficit. The Democrats better admit that a nanny government needs to be stingy with its money.
I don't want to enter the workforce with a government that is unable to govern itself. But of course I will. It's only natural that that happens.
I know that I am trying to find myself. I don't even know that I am looking for myself, but many people in my life have told me to do that. So what am I supposed to look for? Sometimes I would rather leave it to someone else, to God perhaps. Let Fates have happened to me what they want to have happened.
To find myself, I must be defined by others. Because without other people, I am nothing, just a senseless being. Without my mother, I could not be me. Without my step-father, I could not be me. Without my real father, my family, my friends, I am not who I am.
Although I am a thinking person, and more than a sum of all that have nurtured me, and of all that nature has defined in the blueprint of me, without such parts, how can you add? I just looked up on google, "word for whole being more than sum of parts," and I have found that word, synergy.