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"From the darkness, sleeping light." Formerly luminus dormiens. Lux pacis, light of peace.
Quote: "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes
20030117
Haven't posted in a while.
so I did tell Mother about who I was. She didn't believe me. She asked me, "But how do you know?" As if I haven't had all the time from 12 to 18 to find out. When I was 12, I looked at gay porns, which are so easily found nowadays. Of course, I did feel guilty and full of shame. By the time I was 14, I knew who I was, but I prayed to God, jesus, whatever religious icons in existence, that I might be straightened out. When my doctor asks me about my sexual life, I didn't tell her anything, because I was so scared. I lived a celibate high school existence.
By 16, I accepted it more and more, but I'm not even embracing it. I'm trying to attend support groups, but I just can't bring myself to walk into the meeting and I prayed that nobody would notice me. But inside, I knew that I want to meet and be with a guy, showering him with all the romantic gifts, slightly changed to fit the grand occasion.
Now turning 19 in May, I'm depressed that I didn't go to a better college that was more liberal and more filled with hot boys. Oh, well. I'm gonna try transfer.
BTW, Happy New Year everyone.
so I did tell Mother about who I was. She didn't believe me. She asked me, "But how do you know?" As if I haven't had all the time from 12 to 18 to find out. When I was 12, I looked at gay porns, which are so easily found nowadays. Of course, I did feel guilty and full of shame. By the time I was 14, I knew who I was, but I prayed to God, jesus, whatever religious icons in existence, that I might be straightened out. When my doctor asks me about my sexual life, I didn't tell her anything, because I was so scared. I lived a celibate high school existence.
By 16, I accepted it more and more, but I'm not even embracing it. I'm trying to attend support groups, but I just can't bring myself to walk into the meeting and I prayed that nobody would notice me. But inside, I knew that I want to meet and be with a guy, showering him with all the romantic gifts, slightly changed to fit the grand occasion.
Now turning 19 in May, I'm depressed that I didn't go to a better college that was more liberal and more filled with hot boys. Oh, well. I'm gonna try transfer.
BTW, Happy New Year everyone.
