E tenebras, lux dormiens

That it were not so!

But now that I have outed myself as a deaf, with all the meanings that that word implies, it shall be consolidated into a part of me that will present and absent itself in these electronic texts that I submit on a semi-regular basis.

Having discover this, reading this passage, you must now have gleamed a reason for my awkward language, and my awkward choice of word. I believe you would term these sentences, these paragraphs, these essays that I write with three words, "intellectual deaf quality." I am intellectual, as I have said time and time again. I am deaf, as I have explained yesterday. But what of quality? I believe, and perhaps this is due to my gross insecurity, I write deaf. Not that I write deafly, nor that I write of deafness or like an illiterate deaf, but that I write with such peculiar grasp of the meanings of certain words. This peculiar meaning you can understand does not have the full colors of the meaning that native speaker knows.

Two weeks ago, I have never heard of the word corey. Or, I could say that I have, but I never learned the meaning of the word as a slang. Who but a native speakers could surmise that it has a similar meaning to "goofy," "childlike," or "juvenile"? Who could surmise that meaning? The word is probably British, that is all I can guess.

Let us move on. People who have read my essay from my childhood know that I have the tendency to jump forward and back, to leave behind such a chaotic structure and numberless disorganizations that leave most teachers fumbling for what I am saying, yet they do know that what I say is profound.

I do not believe I have overcome that disorganized reality.

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Let me say this very clearly, these are the aspects of my life that I believe is normal, is not something from which you will discern any evidence of deafness:
1. I enjoy philosophy.
2. I don't understand arts.
3. I hate biology and English.
4. I like the idea of physics, but that does not mean I will understand the mathematical concepts that physics employ.
5. I like Star Trek: The Next Generation and some of Deep Space Nine. I do not like any Star Trek that comes after these shows. I have not watched Star Trek: The Original Series.
6. I do not have cable, so I cannot watch Discovery Channel.
7. I do not know the direction that my life is taking.
8. I have made some mistakes, embarrassing, stupid, ignorant, and impulsive.
9. I do not know whether there is an afterlife. I waffle between believe in it supremely, and believing that death is something that occurs to you and you from existence fade.
10. I am not doing well at school at all, and this has also taken a bruising on my belief in myself as being capable of managing my schoolwork.

Where in these things can you find that could be applied to only a deaf? Where indeed, that they can reflect many Americans?

So, you readers, whom I might have driven away from this website because of my content, because of my deafness, because of who I am, I have nothing to say to you. I will not tell you what to do, because you have that decision already made within yourself.

For those that stay, that believe themselves interested by what I write, by my opinions that have been influenced by many things of my life, by the fact that I have a unique perspective on many things, I do have one thing to say: read on. And that is what you are allowed to follow or not, disregard or not, and do with what you will.