E tenebras, lux dormiens

An escapade into freedom

I wonder sometimes why I have chosen to come out to one person today. I felt it was time. Have you ever woken up one day, after so many years of struggle, and finally realized that it simply was time. Like forgiveness, an act of disclosure is not something to be taken without much serious thought. And like forgiveness, people just wake up and forgive, even though it might have been yesterday that they were still hating the person who had betrayed.

I had planned to do this last week, but circumstances delayed it. Finally, I told her today. At first, she didn't reply in a manner that I expected.

Now, whatever my circumstances may arise, my duty's here to stay.

Oh, I'm sorry, for being so vague.

I was just saying that, even as I was telling her. A great weight was not lifted off from my chest. Instead, it was replaced by another no less heavier rock, but more charred, like Atlas, his pancake-earth carried.

I was staring with surmounting gloom, the [insert fancy word here] of facing every single meeting with having to explain that I am not in any relationship with the opposite sex that they might be thinking of. Someday, I will have to explain when they ask this question of me, "So are you dating anyone?"

Whether in sign or in speech, whether in English or the ancient language of the Aztecs people, I must reply with a sentence so loaded in meaning no matter which way you look at it. For of all the combination of words possible in a language that still makes sense, there are few ways, confirmative or confutative, to answer without speaking gibberish:

No, but I've been checking out this guy. He's cute.

Yes, you know him already.

¿Qué hay de nuevo, señor?